Illness brings families closer together. When she came back from one of her many hospital stays, I was asked to be her caregiver. I was a freelance writer at the time, and one summer in the late 1990s, I agreed to spend the night at her house. I have seen up close the horrific effects of this deadly disease.
Aunt Carolyn was in her 80s at the time. I thought how cruel cancer can be, when people who should be enjoying their retirement are facing a life-threatening disease. That wasn’t fair!
Little did I know at the time, about 15 years later I would be diagnosed with prostate cancer, and I was reminded of how unfair that was. I thought cancer had swept into my life and ruined my own plans for a happy retirement.
My journey with Aunt Carolyn lasted about three years. For three years she worked as her caregiver and visited her in hospitals and rehabilitation centers. Three years where I saw for the first time how much her cancer had depleted her.
Health concerns dominated her life. In addition to cancer, she had macular degeneration. She was no longer allowed to drive her car because she had severe problems with her eyesight. She remembers the day her neighbor permanently parked his car in the garage. It’s not a pretty sight to see someone take away her car keys and lose her sense of independence.
It’s also not a pretty sight to witness a loved one unable to eat in the nursing home they’ve been in for several weeks. When she visited during her lunch break one day, she saw Aunt Carolyn drooling over roast beef, steamy mashed potatoes, and vegetables along with dessert and drinks. She hadn’t eaten a single bite. Cancer and other health issues dominated her final days, and I was reminded of how unfair this was.
Cancer and its accompanying physical deterioration and complications proved to be a deadly combination for my dear and gentle aunt. Pneumonia developed again and she returned to the hospital. She took her last breath in a dark room connected to a machine that made lots of buzzing and beeping noises.
When I delivered the eulogy at her funeral, I wanted to be upbeat and portray a precious relative who, despite her health struggles, certainly enjoyed a high quality of life.
I said this to the assembled family. I met a woman who, despite experiencing many physical setbacks, continued to live her life with grace, dignity, and humor.
“While we all admired her strong fight against a debilitating illness, we wished she could have spent more time with her beloved animals, Loretta the cat and Cricket the dog.”
But what I held in my heart without saying it was that her last days were spent in pain and suffering. Cancer wreaked havoc on her and her life, and it was completely unfair.
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